With Tony Robinson
Sunday, January 26, 2014
‘Tis such fools as you
That makes the world
Full of ill-favour’d children.
— Shakespeare, As You Like It, III, 5
CHILDREN at best are difficult to bring up, even when both parents are in the household. So you can just imagine what a single parent has to go through. I know that most people instantly think of mothers only when they think of single parents, but many fathers have had to raise children all alone, for one reason or the other.
“As a decrepit father takes delight, to see his active child do deeds of youth, so I, made lame by fortune’s dearest spite, take all my comfort of thy worth and truth.” — Shakespeare, Sonnet 37.
The single parent has been around for a very long time, in spite of all the hoopla about them now. Nothing is really new under the sun.
Even so, new or old, there are certain challenges that a single parent goes through, that only those who feel it know it. Some are in that situation by choice, they want no partner around, while for others it’s just circumstances, the luck of the draw, a burst condom, or an absent, worthless partner why they were left in that situation.
We’ll find out more about the single parent right after these letters responding to ‘The love of money’.
Hi Tony,
The subject of your column also reminded me of The O’Jays’ song back in the ’70s, For The Love of Money.
“For the love of money, people will steal from their mother
For the love of money, people will rob their own brother
For the love of money, people can’t even walk the street
Because they never know who in the world they’re gonna beat
For that lean, mean, green almighty dollar, money
For the love of money, people will lie, Lord they will cheat
For the love of money, people don’t care who they hurt or beat
For the love of money, a woman will sell her body
For a small piece of paper it carries a lot of weight
Call it mean, mean, mean green Almighty dollar.”
Winston
Hey Teerob,
It’s so true that the love of money can lead to all sorts of evil, as it sure brings out the worst in people — man, woman and child. But one could also put forth the theory that the lack of money is also the root of many kinds of evil. Remember, a hungry man is an angry man.
Douglas
Parents are so important in a child’s upbringing, and those who had two parents guiding them should be counted as being fortunate. Even so, there have been countless children who were raised by single parents and grew up to be successful, well-rounded, mature and brilliant adults.
That single parent had to double up on his or her efforts to ensure that child’s development. Conversely, there are countless tales of children, raised in a two-parent home, who grew up to be terrors of society, spoiled, rotten liars and thieves and even murderers. So there is no guarantee that two parents will raise a pillar of society.
Nowadays, the single parent is almost the rule rather than the exception and is accepted as the norm in the Western world. So one could almost say that it’s no big deal anymore.
But it is, for there are challenges that the single parent faces that truly test their mettle. For one, there is often a feeling of abandonment, all because one partner decided not to stick around and be a part of the child’s life. That being said, let’s not forget the woman who simply decides to have multiple children for multiple men who have one thing in common — their absence.
Let’s pause for a moment and define who really is a single parent. It’s not the mother who has a babyfather, who although he doesn’t live with her still supports the child, and is very present in that child’s life. He pays all the school fees, medical bills, picks up and drops off from daycare or school, and spends quality time with that child.
The fact that he doesn’t live under the same roof with the mother doesn’t make her a single parent. She has support, financially, emotionally and mentally. Her child still has the love and nurturing from both parents and can depend on mommy or daddy for guidance.
The real single parent is that person who is raising the child all by herself, or himself as the case may be, with no form of support from the other partner. Believe it or not, there are married couples living together in so-called harmony, but the kids are raised by one parent only, making him or her a single parent. “He is so worthless and non-supportive. Is me one raising the pickney dem.”
The real single parent is all alone, as the other half of the equation is never in the picture. Many women have to eke out a meagre existence, working at various jobs just to raise their children in a decent way. How they manage to stretch a dollar is often a financial miracle that our minister of finance would envy.
Without any maintenance money from the father, these women still manage to feed, clothe, school and offer entertainment for their children. Those kids were deprived of nothing in their childhood, except for a father. Many don’t even know who their fathers are. And yet they succeed.
I know of quite a few who have graduated from university, or law school, passed the bar and are doing well. All raised by a single mother with no father around. In the same breath, I can speak of many children, raised by both parents in privileged homes, who are lazy and worthless beyond belief and offer nothing to society. Bums.
Single mothers fill the dual role of matriarch and patriarch, at times to the detriment of the child, especially if he’s a boy, who may either become too attached to his mother and too dependent on her, or resent her for ‘chasing away his father out of his life’. It’s often a thin line that separates these emotional repercussions, and many mothers cannot understand the child’s anger.
Girls go through this too, as they often blame their mothers for not being able to keep a man, her father, in her life. “It’s your fault why daddy left, he couldn’t live with a misery like you.” This may also affect how she reacts to men when she matures.
It’s often a thankless task, being a single mother, but most children grow up to appreciate them. But let’s not forget the single father, for he too has his burden to bear. It’s not natural in the animal kingdom, but sometimes mothers do abandon their children, and it’s the fathers who have to raise them.
This task is even more difficult when it’s daughters being raised. I have known a few fathers who have single-handedly raised their daughters, and I don’t know how they managed, but they did. Even now I cannot forget this man I know who raised not one, but two daughters after his wife walked out on them. He’s deceased for many years now, but I will never forget his efforts and success when he raised his two girls.
I have seen other single fathers take the mothers to Family Court after finding it difficult to manage financially with the burden of raising four young children by themselves. Oh yes, fathers are entitled to child maintenance if the mother walks out and leaves them.
I remember speaking to one such mother and she was surprised to hear that. “Me tink say is only man pay child support… me nevah know say woman pay it to.”
I have seen a father go through hell after the mother left him for another man, leaving him with two young children. I have seen them struggle with the pain and anguish of abandonment, loss of self-esteem and confidence, loss of trust. “I will never trust another woman as long as I live. How could she leave her children?”
I applaud these men, for it takes a special kind of man to raise children with no support. Men are not wired to be mother and father.
All in all, the single parent of whatever stripe, mother or father, is special.
More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: The Annual RJR Sportsman and Sportswoman Awards show came off with a spectacular bang, and I must commend the organisers for a well- put-together show. People like Gary Allen, Yvonne Wilks, TV Director Clevans Wilson and crew, and other behind-the-scenes persons who no one ever sees, but whose contribution is invaluable in putting together a show of this magnitude.
The high point to me was Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce’s ‘thank you’ speech, which was flawless in its substance, presentation and delivery. In a word, outstanding.
It was unscripted too, which made it even more special, as it came from her heart. My only negative was the continued omission of martial arts recognition from the top roster. I have mentioned this before, but it still upsets me, for martial arts has done our country proud.
The most recent omission was Nicholas Dussard, who was totally ignored after an outstanding year, winning gold and silver in various World Championships. Nevertheless, the show was a good one, and I applaud all those involved in the production.
View the original article here
Single parents
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